i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
