The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
