Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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