My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
