im six kinds of drunk right now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
