Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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