so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
