Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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