Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
