His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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