im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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