I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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