I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
