i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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