I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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