Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
