the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
