I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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