He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
