whats a polygalesbian?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy