I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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