Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How does it feel to date your dad?