My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
