is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.