Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.