I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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