After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
