I will die if light touches me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
