Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
