This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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