And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
