at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
