Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
