oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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