I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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