there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
