You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
