Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize