He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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