You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
