"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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