just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
