He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
