so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
