"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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