Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
