I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
