its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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