lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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