you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
