I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize