I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
