She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
