Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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