Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
