Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
