i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
