She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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