you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
