Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
