No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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