So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
