It's like God shit irony all over that family
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
