Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
