you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
