Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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