Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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