I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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