I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
