I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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