My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
