New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
me + whiskey = a bad person
Randomize
