I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
