Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
