He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Too much gin, very little bucket
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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